fool

maybe because i'm quiet i'm your second (third, fourth, fifth...) choice
to take shopping or to the movies or to dinner
because i'm quiet you always invite me to parties and get-togethers--
you know i won't go

(thank god, what an embarrassment was the last time!)

perhaps it's that i'm "learned" and "erudite" and on your level
that you want to discuss philosophy and law with me
yet feel the need to belittle my decisions in order to
aggrandize your social life and academic credentials

generosity could be my hubris, and the field of your exploits
my naivete the soil in which the seeds of disappointment are sown
foolhardiness the calloused hand that tends the field, invariably passing through
at each love's season

maybe because i'm fat you think i'm lucky to have you
and that i think the same
because i'm sensitive to body comments and the like but let me tell you


I have reclaimed myself and I will no longer take lightly the decisions which have caused me to err so far into the hinterlands of my mindscape. I am taking my life--oh! glorious life--and making of it what I will; shall you join me?

That's not an invitation, actually. I know you think you can just flit in and out as you see fit because you are "at that point in [your] life" where you will "Do whatever [you] want to do" and "Be happy"

In fact, you can't do whatever you want to do, not with respect to me, no matter what point you've reached. You have no feelings? Sorry, but look not to me for counsel, for I deal in truth not in half-hearted flippant lies.

I'll be the fool, I said, I'll wait. What does it mean to wait? I'll be here, of course. I'll be here, so that's waiting. For you? No, only by accident. Not you--not anyone--is entitled to me. You may be quicker to learn that than you would like.

I'm nobody's little weasel.